If you are an emotional person or if you are out of touch with emotions, you still need to understand who you are on the inside. Losing touch with that person called “YOU” is death. It kills you because you become externally referenced. You are constantly referencing your life to situations and circumstances and you feel controlled by them. This is a false belief, but most people set their life up this way.
Referencing yourself based on your internal spirit, soul, mind, and how your body feels will keep your soul in balance. Letting others define or determine your actions or reactions is to lose your power. Thinking you control others or have the power or need to control them is also a killer to you and all relationships. It is not okay to control others. Boundaries are what keep us knowing where we end and others begin. Stepping across those boundaries without permission is non-relational.
Looking inside me and trusting that I can get in touch with me and how I see the world is a first step to self-awareness and learning to love you. If you do not like who you are at your core, please know that mostly you are probably referring to your behavior. The person you are inside is not usually how you act until after you have done process work. It is usually just behavior based on habit or someone else’s idea of how you “should” behave.
To begin, ask yourself if you are honest with yourself and others. Do you lie? Do you treat others openly and tell them how you feel about things or do you hide and pretend? If you are dishonest, ask yourself what that is about and how it feels to have to hide your true feelings. If you are sometimes honest and sometimes not, depending on the other person, you are still dishonest. You must check in and be honest about your level of honesty (including telling stories and embellishing).
Are you judgmental? Do you criticize and complain about how others act? Do you wonder why others do what they do? Do you talk about and obsess about others? Do you assume you are right about things and others are wrong? Do you finger point, blame or shame other people? Do you neglect yourself in favor of taking care of others? All of these kinds of behaviors indicate that you are avoiding your inner being and spending more time referencing the external life.
Once again, keep track of and notice how much you are doing these actions as you go back to the reactions (triggered behaviors) and find out if you are mad, sad or glad. Also, add some comments or inventories to yourself about what you feel you might be mad or sad about. Leave the glad alone for now and just be in gratitude with it. Pay attention to your mads and sads and dig underneath them to uncover past layers of what they are about and when they began if you can.