It helps to have a definition of what WHOLENESS AND WELLNESS looks like when you are interested in keeping your life in mature balance, and operate in a mature True Self. So, first let me take the letters in my STEPS TREATMENT PLAN one by one. I will briefly describe wholeness and wellness in each of the five areas.

SPIRITUAL WHOLENESS AND WELLNESS– The condition of balance in spirituality. First, it is important and necessary to have a set of guiding beliefs, principles and values that give meaning to your life.  That can include a religion that guides your beliefs or having a deep appreciation for life and the universal laws that govern us as humans.  The wellness from having a whole understanding of the spiritual realm includes learning how to find purpose in your own life, how to treat others, how to experience joy, love, peace and true fulfillment. It is also very helpful to have a relationship with your Higher Power or God so that you can feel inherent worth and value inside yourself as coming from a Creator of the Universe. This leads to knowing how to love yourself and others enough to desire full potential for all humans. This base system is the essential component for overcoming fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and other negative mindsets.

THINKING WELL AND WITH A CONDITION OF WHOLENESS– The conditions of the thinking of a balanced and mature person include a desire to grow in knowledge and remain open to new ideas from self and sharing with others.  It is important to continue learning and understanding and build on information using critical thinking skills and expanding thoughts through questioning. Developing a keen sense of humor, curiosity and a love for things creative advances the human mind.

EMOTIONAL WELLNESS AND WHOLENESS in mature balance is very hard for most people. It necessitates an awareness and presence with inner true self. It also requires acceptance of vulnerability of self and others, using vulnerability places that often feel awkward. Being able to respond in a healthy way to the emotional states of others while remaining in balance with one’s own emotions is delicate and tricky at best. Digging into the internal systems of your self and healing past wounds is key to cutting out reactivity and defensiveness around your personal relationships. Trust in self, ability to esteem self, and the ability to share feelings in the present with out anger, blaming or shaming another are signs of wellness. Growing emotions up to adult maturity is a process that is ongoing.

PHYSICAL WHOLENESS AND WELLNESS is all about taking care of oneself in the physical realms of life. Healthy eating and exercise top the list along with self care and staying in balance with finances and all the material things of life.  Taking care of cardiovascular and other systems along with moderate use of alcohol is essential. Good health habits need to last a lifetime and be diligently maintained. Most people understand what a physically well life looks like as it is usually the main focus.
SOCIAL and RELATIONSHIP WELLNESS AND WHOLENESS in balance has a lot to do with dependency. The well part looks interdependent in all relationships including the most intimate ones. Depending too heavily on another person is usually more codependent and unhealthy. Not needing to be  close at all and being overly independent is also unbalanced. Contributing to the welfare of community and family relationships creates a sense of harmony and gives balance to a person. The most important element in a social network is having key support people that care and will encourage a person to grow and develop their full potential. Seeking a lifestyle that enables one to achieve and succeed and working to help others do likewise is how to achieve wholeness in this area.

It looks like I wasn’t all that brief, but I know a balanced life will not be achieved without a base understanding of  a background of what it entails.  Try to read this blog in chunks and know that it will get more practical and interesting.

See you back in a couple days,

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STEPS is my own treatment plan devised to help people think about their life in terms of all parts of their core being needing to be in balance. Learning  who we are in our Real Self means knowing that we all have a core identity that we can operate from once some of the damage is cleared out.  Apart from understanding this, mature behavior and True Self will not be able to be attained.

The acronym STEPS is for:

We all have a STORY filled with ups and downs and ins and outs. Our story is really a journey of all the events, circumstances, and relationships we have had throughout our life. The story is filled with not only what happened, but also how we remember it happening and the meaning we attach to the memories. Of course, the older we get, the more the STEPS that describe those NOUNS (persons, places, or things) in our life, the more complicated it becomes. Matter of fact, it often becomes so complicated that many people just want to shove it down and inside or pretend it just doesn’t matter anymore. 

As a therapist over the years, I have seen people come to counseling for a variety of reasons. The majority of women come because of trouble in a relationship. The majority of men come because of a woman in their life that “influenced” them to come. Couples usually come because they are lacking communication skills or there is serious trouble in the relationship. The other top reason people come is regarding issues with children. I mention this because only a small number of people visit my office initially with the plan of working on their own inner person and to resolve some of their past issues. Please note that even people who are depressed or anxious will now visit a medical doctor to get a “pill” such as an anti-depressant to help them stay in balance and feel more level.

Taking pills helps, but will not cure the issues within. Most people have no idea all the unresolved “stuff” that is lurking inside them from the past that keeps triggering their reactions and keeps them in that trance effect I wrote about in previous blogs. The trance effect comes from not staying current and in balance with all the things that bother you.  It is usually heavily made up of FEAR, OBLIGATION, AND GUILT.  This FOG forces you to live in a false self most of the time and covers up your real True Self. Over time, the False Self appears to you and others (if you are good at masking it) as the real you. You will not have an authenic relationship with others if you are fake and out of balance.

 The five areas of the STEPS must be in harmony and balance and free of past trauma in order for any of us to operate out of our True Self. It is part of the human condition to hide true feelings or else puke them on other people when triggered. All reactive behavior has something to do with the past just getting triggered in the present. The more things that are unresolved, the more stuff you have to be reactive around. Chronic stress as a way of life is internal bleeding that is vibrating energy and needs to be released. If you do not take STEPS to balance yourself, those feelings will make themselves known in some way even if you are good at hiding them.

Do this: Check in on yourself. First thing is to ask???????

Are my STEPS in balance and harmony? What areas seem to be most problematic?

See you back in a couple days,
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WHAT IF? … Just Ask Your Inner Self

POTENTIAL = EXISTING IN POSSIBILITY; Likely to become or come into being.

Ever wonder how things happen? Ever wonder who you would be or could be if you had different circumstances? Ever wonder what the difference would be: “if”????

It is actually positive to wonder about the “what ifs” and to ponder the differences of two existing situations. Life is full of circumstances and full of potentials. Dreaming and thinking about the “wonderment” of what if’s can actually help you end the past trances you may have been walking around in from year to year. 🙂 Casting a spell over yourself and telling yourself the same old story without wondering or dreaming of a new story or a new potential leaves you in lack and limits change.

Since change WILL happen, would it be fun to think that you could actually play a positive role in a new outlook if you focused on that possibility? Well, you do have that choice. YOU can actually change your perspective and shift into a new place of awareness as you wake up from the past sleep you have walked around in for years.

I have always known that I could carve out a new future for myself using my potential AND I have always known I could help others do the same for their lives. It is a power I did not understand as well in the past as I do now. I used to think of potential as what I would gain if I worked hard at my job, relationships, etc. to MAKE them be what I wanted in an artificial or performance based way.

Before I lose you, pay attention! Remember, this is for your own good and the greater good. You can align with a positive destiny for your life, but only if you understand your potential and that it is NEVER too late to uncover that potential. For example, I am living proof that you can liberate yourself to do what you love at any age. In my day, teaching and nursing was it for females. (Yes, I know I am dating myself.) I chose teaching since I hated the sight of blood and I loved learning. I went to college with no encouragement to do so from parents. I moved along pretending I knew what I was doing and soon, I actually did and was a darn good teacher.

My example of becoming a teacher is where most people’s story ends. They do it because they kind of go unconsciously into the process of growing up and finding a job that suits them (if they are fortunate as I was). The passion and potential of the full extent of their destiny may still not be fulfilled, however, until later on in life. By that time, they convince themselves it is TOO late to do what they love. Again, for me it is counseling and helping people out of “old traps” and thought paradigms. I love psychology and spirituality. Those two were combined for me when I went for a second masters in those areas when my kids were graduating from high school.

Potential is always there, available for “becoming” a bigger or larger influence using your gifts and POTENT power – passion of what you love and enjoy. You can become a greater influence doing what you love or have always dreamed of doing.

SO, … JUST ASKING you to ask the inner you, “WHAT would I really LOVE to be doing that would have a great influence on me and create new possibilities to inspire others?

Go ahead – do that and share it here.

See you back in a couple days,
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FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST! Breaking out of Trances and Spells to Keep Focus

My last blog challenged you to check into your focus. I asked you to check in with where you are giving your most attention: past, present, or future. I challenged you to try to keep focus on the present and stay with how you are in the here and now. It is often very difficult to stay with yourself and not drift off to another time or put yourself back into that trance or hypnosis when you are not enjoying the present.

One of the things that helps you take those STEPS I have outlined is to stay in a state of balance and stay in thoughts and emotions and awareness of your present relationships.  You may need to reset and refocus your intention and attention at the same time.  I was asking you to try that in my last blog. All it takes is to tell yourself you desire to remain present with your entire being (intention) and follow that with focused attention to that goal. It is like when you set your phone or calendar to remind you of something. You keep the date and you attend to it.

Taking responsibility for making yourself tune in to yourself and others without “trancing out” or going under the influence by being reactive is very doable with this beginning step. You set your attention on YOU and YOUR engagement with that attention. That is called focus or giving of energy to a focal point. You are actually taking charge of your mind and following that with an action. 

The opposite of doing this is to let someone else do it for you. You may “think” you can talk to someone and think about something else or think negatively, but act positively, but you are kidding yourself. Your brain is patterning what you feed it. Letting your brain fog out, use negative inner think patterns, think about what you plan to do later or what you did last night actually is training or reinforcing it to NOT be operating and attuning to the present. Unfortunately, the brain is like a computer and if this is your default setting, it will be used all the time – whether you are talking to a person that bores you or someone you really want to pay attention to in an intimate relationship. Over time, those “neural ruts” get deeper and are harder to change to more enjoyable ways to relate to self and others.

The way to break out into being and staying free to be you begins with placing a special emphasis on directing concentrated energy to stay awake and conscious. That means in the moment – FROM moment to moment. Then, you get momentum from that practice of being mindful of what you are doing.

Please spend a little effort on thinking about how your life would be different if you were able to stay present and not have others trigger you into some reactive state; especially thinking they have the power to “make you mad” or to make you feel any particular way. Think about how much power that gives to others to influence how you see and feel about yourself in all aspects of you life. Ask: “How would it change my life for the positive if I was able to esteem myself enough to share the real me??”

I would like you to recall an incident where either you or the person you were interacting with,  “tranced out”. Tell us how that made you feel (if  the other person did it) or explain why you think you did it.

See you back in a couple days,
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I am interested in any feedback from those of you who took the Self Awareness Test.
I put it up as part of my blog more for a focus on the STEPS needed to stay in balance as you journey into more awakening within yourself. Notice that the word is within that is where it begins, right inside all the inner parts of you.

Think of the life you are living as a constant opportunity to focus on paying more attention to yourself and how you interact with the world around you in each of the five areas of the STEPS. Like any journey, it begins right where you are…at home and it starts, NOW. The goal is to enjoy the Journey of Your Life so you are free to be you.

In the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life”, the main character, George, is depressed about his life and is even, suicidal. The theme of the story is that it takes an angel to help lift him out of that pit and show him what things would have been like if he never existed. Most of you have seen the movie as it is such a favorite. If not, try to see it sometime. Just like George, you may need a wake up to show you how important your life really is and how important you are to others.

Sometimes, it does take someone to wake you up, like George’s angel, and help you gain awareness of yourself (to see WHO you REALLY are and what your existence here is about). The saddest lives are those who never understand how important they are to the rest of us. We are all connected and each life has great potential to touch others. Sometimes, people do not open their eyes to this and miss out on the greatness of who they are or they just don’t have a perspective that others have about them. Either way, it is a tragedy because many end up in a pit of depression or very anxious about their existence and miss the joy each day brings.

Living life in the present, and letting the past integrate into your being allows you to appreciate your Story. Focusing on the past and living as though there is no hope is depressing. Many of my clients come to therapy because they are depressed. Mostly what they uncover is that they are depressed about lies they are believing about themselves. For example, they may be focusing on a “mistake” they made years ago or some of the awful experiences they have endured. Since their focus is stuck in trauma and distress, they are naturally depressed. The way out of that pit is to heal those horrible memories instead of going over and over them. While healing, it is possible to wake up to the awareness of the positives available in the present.

So, for today, just ask yourself, “What do I focus on most?” (past, present or future worry).  See if you can do what I mentioned last week, try to use the STEPS aspects of yourself and check in to see where you are out of balance. More help next time.
Stay Present and focus!

Happy Martin Luther King Day! He was a great example of someone who believed in the VALUE of having a DREAM and using his life to the “max” to share that dream with many others. You can have a dream and call it into existence. It is NOT too late!

See you back in a couple days,
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STEPS TEST for Self Awareness

TEST DAY, I made you “AWARE” of this in my last Blog,

SPIRIT steps awareness:
1. I have a basic understanding of what spiritual means.
2. I equate spiritual to religious.
3. I consider myself a spiritual person.
4. I spend time connecting with my inner spirit.
5. I spend time connecting with a Higher Powered Spirit.
6. I connect with others spiritually.
7. I enjoy drinking spirits.

THINK steps awareness:
1. I am always behaving in sync with my think.
2. I have some think that is full of stink.
3. I enjoy a sarcastic think time.
4. I think about things I wish I didn’t.
5. I think about the past a lot.
6. I think about the future a lot.
7. I like to think I am better than others.

EMOTIONAL steps awareness:
1. I am very much in touch with my emotions.
2. I am out of control with my emotions.
3. I am very walled off in my emotions.
4. My emotions rule me and just happen.
5. I connect with others emotionally.
6. I consider myself very evolved emotionally.
7. I connect emotionally with God.

PHYSICAL steps awareness:
1. I am in touch with my body.
2. I have a good relationship with my body.
3. I take very good care of my body in all areas.
4. I am able to moderate food, spending, drinking, etc. easily.
5. I am aware and in balance with all the material things in lfie.
6. I mostly connect with others physically.
7. I am moderate about my levels of activity.

SOCIAL and RELATIONSHIP steps awareness:
1. I am very social and thrive on being with people.
2. I am not very social and do not like being social.
3. I love intimate relationships with others that are connective.
4. I have close relationships with my family.
5. I am unable to bond and make close relationships.
6. I am easily bored with most relationships.
7. Relationships are challenging for me.
How did you do? Oh, you want a Grade? Go ahead, give yourself one! 🙂 This was strictly a baseline for you to inventory how self-aware you are in each area.  Now, write a response to yourself about how awake and aware about self you are….. Feel free to comment on any of these “STEPS” or the statements associated with them.

Also follow my tweets for more:

See you back in a couple days,
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How well did you connect with yourself from Monday to now? Remember, gotta’ check all your STEPS: Spiritual, Think, Emotions, Physical, and Social connections!
How often were you entering that “trance” state and going Under the Influence?

An alert being, present with self. This means being self aware in the present. You are awake;  mind, body and spirit, not just letting life happen around you, or checking in and out lacking full time focus.  This is not an ordered life. It is random and chaotic.

BITTERSWEET is my Tweet this week. That is because connecting with the word bittersweet is important to help resolve the past, stay present and awake to the present and bring hope to the future. Life is full of bittersweet and resolving or digging up the past is full of bitterness and yet, you get a sweet return when you think of how it all worked to make you the amazing person you are presently.

CONNECTED TO CONSCIOUSNESS as you can see could be tricky.
I mean, to be really present in the moment! Is that even possible? Obviously, it looks complicated only because most humans don’t reach that state without being a yogi, monk, or some other kind of guru. AND, along with that, why would I even want to?

To some, it may even sound boring 🙂 That’s why kids set up the default trance settings early on. It is a kid perspective to think anyone other than themselves and what they are doing is all that interesting. Even other peers can be annoying… Ooops, did I describe egocentric and developmentally immature perspectives?

Here’s the Problem: We currently have a lot of people on the planet sleep walking through not just the day, but their entire life. This happens over time living in a society that is all about being out of balance…to much emphasis on the lower levels of consciousness: physical, intellectual and social and almost none on spiritual and emotional or how to think out of an adult mindset in intimate relationships.

Question for the Day?  (Please engage in comments on this)
Am I present in all five areas when I engage with children and significant others?

One brain tip to connect with: cognitive neuroscience is opening whole new ways to understand things we never knew about like how process occurs and why so much of it is automatic and leads to anxiety and depressing thoughts.  I post that to help you know that we are only just beginning to get information that helps us in this process.

HELP MEAT OF THE DAY: Stay present as much as you can to check in with yourself as to how conscious you are living throughout the day. See if you can connect with at least one moment when you felt totally present with the situation in an intimate relationship (non-sexual one) and the emotional feeling you associated with it.

Next time: Come back Friday to do a baseline test to see how under the influence of the trance effect you are in your closest relationships.  Everybody can pass this test!

 Also follow my tweets for more:

 See you back in a couple days,




Definition of TRANCE:

Noun-state of your mind which is in low conscious awareness and therefore, awake and voluntary action is poor or missing, like daydreaming; but more resembling sleep or hypnosis and some people describe as being possessed; groggy & foggy.
Verb-captured, captivated, charmed, bewitched, highly “UNDER AN INFLUENCE”
                      Make a connection to your own life yet?

Let me assist you even if you have made a few.
All of us have the ability to “tune out” to anyone or anything or anyplace at any time.
That is a GIFT….you may be feeling that way right now…
• if so, reset and reboot and stay with me for just a minute 🙂

It is necessary for us to separate ourselves from something we do not like or is boring us in any way….the negative side is that it is so common to humans, we do it habitually
For example: A husband listening to his wife “blah, blah, blah” or during a lecture…

Tips and Background Teaching: (not a lecture)

***Since the brain is a creature of habit,  it programs automatic settings and operates them as defaults and tells your thinking it is time to “tune out” or use a program that overrides what is happening in the present that you do not like. ***Default settings usually are set up very early in your life, call them personal preferences, just like on your computer. You set them and forget them and they operate as originally set.
***Children need to have these “default” settings in order to survive because they just don’t know enough yet (brain is not fully online until age 25 so they are at risk around some offensive adults and need defenses that are wired in reactively).

Enough of that!
Here is the Help-Meat of the Wake UP (hope you didn’t hit “SNOOZE”)
Begin to ask yourself what the automatic negative thinking trances are that you use all day everyday, whether you actually speak them out loud (no boundaries/filters) or quietly think them without a word (walled-off ) or, a combination of both ways.

Add to that beginning question,
? How can I pay attention all day to whether I am operating in a fog or am present, conscious and awake, aware of my emotions and how I feel about what is going on?

Lastly, am I connected in all areas of my STEPS: (Spirit, Think, Emotions, Physical being, and Social or relational being) or am I mainly operating in only one or two?

Think about these questions and check in with future blogs for answers.
Also follow my tweets for more:

 See you in a couple days,

Beginning to Wake Up or TRANCE ENDING (transcending for you Scholars) :-)

Words are so key to living life awake and staying on that path to Awareness…
I love words and the plays on them I can use…words of any kind will do….

                   My major passion is human behavior and its INFLUENCERS
One of the main influencers to humans are WORDS the way people use/misuse them (to their inner self and speaking out to others). I do consider myself a bit of a wordsmith (fluent and prolific writer), but that is not my goal in this Blog. Here, I intend to demonstrate all the aspects of Relationship Fluency with God, self and others. Most people believe that relationships are about learning how to communicate. While communication skills of how to convey information are very important in relationships, they are only a small sliver of any intimate relationship.

In my job, I see all kinds of relationship issues. Most people want to be able to communicate better. By that, they usually mean: “I am not being heard.” Translated, “I want to speak so others will get what I am saying.” The problem with that is that they totally discount the listening part of a relationship.  Many people have no clue how to listen well-they hear selectively and from ONE perspective-THEIRS 🙂

 In close relationships with others, family, partners, kids, etc., there is a level of intimacy that needs to happen.  Intimacy: think of it as Into Me See. I have never had a ‘client case’ that knew how to let another see into them transparently and desire to do that with the other person, well, when they first came for therapy. All the couples I work with have some filters filled with “Stink Think.” For example, “I can’t let her/him know that. It would hurt their feelings.”  (DIS-HONEST THINK)

So, here we go………
Learning to wake up, stay present with yourself and others in the moment and live a higher way in all relationships begins with finding a healthy one with YOURSELF. The main issues in most everyone’s tissues is self rejection, which causes self -abandonment. If you are not in love with yourself (not in a narcissistic way), you will not be able to love others or connect relationally with God as a Higher Power.

I am a student and teacher of the Psyche which includes the human soul, mind, spirt and how people produce thoughts, judgments, and emotions; their mental life, processes (both conscious and unconscious), and how that connects with the body.

I can wake you up to becoming more conscious and aware of all your behaviors, how they were developed and how to mature them through new ways to think, gain higher perspectives, and dig out the old stuff you haven’t resolved. You may also have to dig out some old trauma or pain that is unprocessed, if you want to be REALLY FREE to be yourself in all your relationships. That depends on your story from your childhood and family of origin issues, such as abuse or major losses.

Sound Great! Sound too great to be true??? Stick around and come back and engage. It is never too late to wake up to a new life and be able to be free of anxiety, feelings of not good enough, shame, rejection, and even abandonment. It is time for a New ERA for all of us to grow UP and step into our own Reality, a real, transparent, and meaningful life with the best relaionships imaginable! Tune in next week for WORD KEYS, for Rising Above Shame and Blame and all that goes with unhealthy ways of relating to others.  This is YOUR LIFE . Isn’t it time to Restore it to Wellness?


This blog will continuously refer to our entire being and how it must be in sync with all its parts. I call these STEPS (Spiritual, thinking, emotions, physical and social). If we are not in harmony with these areas and using all of them to relate to self, God and others, we are out of balance. OUR STEPS are most often out of balance due to conditions of the past and continued conditioning in the present. There is also a tendency to just continue to use the same old familiar operating systems we were conditioned to use from childhood even though it may be outdated and not working. It’s kind of like the old piece of clothing you hang onto even though it is way out of style, it is comfortable or familiar so we leave it in the closet whether we wear it or not. It is also like a relationship that is not working, but we hang onto it and try to keep fixing it hoping something will change, but it never does.

See you back in a couple days,


Let me introduce Me: I am a licensed professional counselor with a fair amount of expertise in my field. I am not your average therapist from my perspective. I believe in healing treatment and plans around all of that, but I offer much more which I will not bore you with now.

In this Blog, I am offering a lot of Wisdom, Experience, & Practical Information that you can apply right away to help you live a more SELF Aware and Awakened Life. It is NOT self help per se, but that may be the outcome. It is more like stopping in for tea and having a conversation with someone who will listen and share without judgment or insensitivity, yet who has healing help for finding out more about yourself, God and anyone you need to be in close relationship with in any area of your life. I will offer the latest on anger, depression, addictions, therapy, overcoming trauma, troubled relationships….you name it; I have had a lot of exposure to dysfunction (my own and others) and I can demonstrate ways to remove insanity from your life forever.

I hope you will enjoy this blog that combines Beginnings, Wanderings, and Wellness Endings in the context of my story, your story and the Power of all stories about people’s lives. I will share my STEPS to Wellness and the Secrets to staying well: Spiritually, Thinking-wise, Emotionally, Physically, and Socially  (relationships). Notice: Acronym STEPS includes all aspects of life that need to be in balance for all of us to develop and grow up in healthier ways than in the past. Also, NOTICE, I did use the term “grow up”. Maturity is a big factor in this blog.

Expect to engage, meditate, share, and be surprised at all that happens here three times per week. That’s right! Stay with me – Tune in Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the latest in how to
Live and Love in Complete Wellness: Mind-Body-Spirit. From my experience as a human, my education in psychology, my relationship training and engagement, age- old, or old-age 🙂 wisdom, plus expertise as a therapist will blend and integrate to give you a Whole fresh approach to a NEW ERA of Living Well in the Present.

See you back in a couple days,